Addicted to Craving

Moving on, again

For so much of my life I’ve had this craving for specific kinds of feelings from videogames. I’ve never been able to adequately satisfy those cravings. Recently I was playing Skyrim for hours while sick, at the end of it I felt like I was coming out of a kind of fog. Everything else in my life seems less meaningful after playing games for six hours. Everything else seems less necessary and important.

Like smoking weed all day, after the fact little else seems of importance. I’ve decided, like weed and all the rest, to quit videogames. They’ve been making me unhappy for a long time. Distracted from anything of substance. Even watching Star Trek all day feels more gratifying than playing games.

I’m most afraid of the extra time I’ll have. Of being bored. I had an experience at work recently where I had to stay an extra hour to take some kids to a crotchet class. I sat in a comfortable chair by the window and was warmed by the sunlight. I leaned back and focused on my breathing, although not too tightly, and relaxed. I did that for a bit under an hour. I felt amazing afterwards and I wish I would do more things like that instead of using my spare time to stare at Reddit or play videogames.

So I’ve decided to quit videogames.